


My Life, My Ways, My Side

by LionessOfTrebond



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Sith Training
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-23 20:40:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19158589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LionessOfTrebond/pseuds/LionessOfTrebond
Summary: "My brother Brysen was born with mastery of the Force. Me? Not so much. While he goes to the academy, I get stuck here on Tatooine. They say life isn't fair. They're right. Why should he get all the glory? Maybe this mysterious Amaya woman will help me…" A Star Wars fic featuring all new characters. Kaila, a young woman living on Tatooine, seeks a darker route to power.This is a revised version of a fic I wrote a while ago. The older version can be found at https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11135894/1/My-Life-My-Ways-My-Side , at least until I finish all the revised versions of the existing chapters and post them here.





	1. Chapter One: Silence

I am Kaila.  My brother Brysen was born with mastery of the Force. Me? Not so much. While he goes to the academy, I get stuck here on Tatooine. They say life isn’t fair. They’re right. Why should he get all the glory? I want to pay him back, to show him that I can do anything he can.

 

_ “Hey, watch this!” A handful of sand comes hurtling through the air at my face. Spitting out the dry, gritty stuff, I pick up a handful and throw it back at him. Brysen deflects it with a wave of his hand. “You can’t touch me. I know how to use the force. See?” He twirls his fingers, and a miniature sandstorm rises up in front of him. He gives it a few more twirls and it turns into a tiny tornado. _

__ _ “You may have some cool powers, Kichiro, but they won’t do you much good out here at the Academy.”  _

__ _ He flinches at the nickname. “Hey, I’m not just lucky. I trained hard to become a skilled pilot. And the Academy is always looking for students with mastery of the Force.” _

__ _ “That’s only because some Skywalker kid used it to blow up a space station this one time,” I say. “And any good marksman could have made that shot.” _

__ _ “Shooting missiles into a two-meter exhaust vent? That takes more than plain skill, Kai,” my brother says with a knowing look.  _

__ _ “Well, see you later. May the Force be with you,” I say with a sneer. As he walks away, I throw another handful of sand at his retreating back. It hits him full on, exploding into dust all over the back of his shirt. I laugh at him. He isn’t so powerful after all. Jerk. I will teach him to respect me. _

 

I jerk out of my reverie as I cruise along in my landspeeder. Looking out across the pale expanse of the desert, I let out a quiet breath. The dunes are lit by the soft glow of the slowly setting suns. My parents don’t know I’m out here, of course. So far as they know, I’m in my room, studying hard for the Academy entrance exams. I was inspired by my brother’s example, driven to hard work and diligent study so I could follow in his footsteps! Ugh. Well, they are partly right. I  _ will _ follow his lead, but not by going to the Academy. No. They rarely accept girls, anyway. Everyone always seems to think that girls have no stomach for war or some silliness of that sort. I snorted. The boys think we have cooties, more likely. Even grown men are intimidated when girls start to really gain power. They like their women nice and meek, so they can be controlled. Well, I dodn’t intend to be controlled by anyone. Maybe I’ll even be controlling them, for a change.

I bring the landspeeder to a stop at a mud hut in the middle of a wide, empty plain of nothingness. It’s all sand and desert scrublands as far as the eye can see. So this is the dwelling of the elusive and enigmatic Amaya? So far, I am not impressed.

A woman appears at the entrance to the hut and beckons me inside. I wait for her to say something, but she remains silent. The woman was wears a simple black cloak with a hood that conceals her face. She is on the tall side. Her simplicity is more intimidating than any pretentious clothing or gear could hope to make her.

Had she opened with some clichéd wisdom or empty promises, I might have given her sass right off the bat -- I didn’t initially have high hopes for this visit. I figured I might as well check out the rumors, though. When she says nothing and just waits -- well, it seems childish to say something snarky right now. There might be something to this lady. I open my mouth, close it, and follow her inside. 

 

When she closes the door behind us, the room quietly sinks into comfortable darkness. The light coming through the window slants through a haze of dust and brushes across both of us, host and guest. Still the woman has not spoken. Neither have I. I have practice at pretending to be meek. This is not one of those times. Her silence fills the air, like an aura of sheer power, wearing it as comfortably as the dark cloak draped over her shoulders.  _ We will begin when I want us to begin, and not before, she seems to say. _ I am mezmerized; I am in awe. It is almost intoxicating.

“Have you come to learn the secrets of the Force?” I jump as her silky smooth voice finally issued forth from under the dark cowl. “I sense great potential in you, young one. Your blood runs strong with silent power, but with something else as well. I could feel it as you approached. You harbor much anger and resentment, do you not?”

I have no idea how she can see through me so fast, but it doesn’t seem odd that she would. Even I can feel my blood boil whenever I thought about him. Kichiro. The lucky son. He has everything that I cannot not have. He is a boy. He can use the Force. Now he’s off to the Academy to become a great hero, while I am stuck here as a lowly farmer’s daughter. My destiny is always to be the follower concealed under my brother’s shadow.

“It is not always luck that brings about our destiny,” the woman said. It was almost as if she had read my thoughts. Maybe she did, I thought with a thrill. The things I could achieve with that kind of power… “Yes, now you begin to see. Accept your feelings and harness your true potential.” The woman’s voice is as smooth as velvet, lush with the promise of a new future, one where Kaila will not be just someone’s little sister. This woman knew exactly what to say, and she has said it. I try to take a step back, to look at things rationally… but what could it hurt? This was a chance, and if I throw it away, I’ll go back to being nothing. Here, right now, this is the start of something. It could be dangerous, but I can’t resist. I take the bait.

“Will you teach me?”

The cloaked woman looks at me. I still can’t see under the hood, but I’m starting to read her silences. This one is just long enough to judge, consider, and decide on a next move.

“You have much to learn, young one. But I do not know if I am the right one to teach you.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, dismayed.

A short pause. “Have you heard of the Jedi?”

The word fills me with a cold hate, seeping from the center of my chest all the way down to my fingertips. A memory washes over me…

 

_ I am standing in front of a panel of men. Men who could decide my fate. I try my best to stay calm as they reach a verdict. _

__ _ “We have reached our decision,” says the man in front of me. His eyes are sad. “You do not have the strength to undergo Jedi training. I am sorry, but it cannot be done.” _

__ _ No, I think. This isn’t the way it was meant to happen. Ever since I was a child, I dreamed about becoming a Jedi knight and protecting the galaxy from evil. My brother has just been tested, and HE was allowed to join. He has decided in favor of the Academy, but I was ready to do something more. _

__ _ It looks like something more isn’t ready for me. _

__ _ The Jedi stares at me. He still has those sad, knowing eyes. They burn into me with sorrow and pity, and suddenly I am furious. I hold my tongue in front of these people, so as not to dishonor my family, but the anger and hatred course through my veins. How dare they put my brother above me? Am I not just as worthy? It is only because I am a girl, I think bitterly. If I had been born into a different body, they would have chosen me. If only-- _

__ _ “I feel much anger in you, young one.” The man speaks in a grave tone, as if being angry is the most dangerous thing in the world. “I will tell you something that a teacher of mine once said to me. ‘Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to the Dark Side.’ You must learn to control your anger, lest it control you.” _

__ _ I can’t take it any more. This man is not going to sit here and lecture me one moment longer. “What could I do? I don’t have the strength, remember?” I say. The man only looks at me sadly. “You’ll see. Some day I’ll become even stronger than you. Than any of you!” I whirl around, sweeping the whole room. Some of the men put their hands to their heads as my gaze passes over them. The leader’s gaze hardens. _

__

_ “Enough. You must watch yourself, understand what makes you feel this way. My father was like you when he was young, and he died trying to make up for what it led him to,” the man said, his voice like steel. “Do not repeat his mistake.” _

__ _ “I don’t care about your father!” I shout. How dare he guilt me by telling his sob story? That was his problem, not mine!  _

 

_ “Enough. You must watch yourself, understand what makes you feel this way. Too many have strayed down the path you now walk. They have not been happy. Some have gone too far and died trying to go back once they finally changed their minds,” the man said, his voice like steel. “Do not repeat their mistakes.” _

 

_ “At least I won’t be repeating yours!” I spit out the words. “If you won’t give me a fair chance, I’ll just find someone who will!” _

__ _ My father grabs my arm. “That’s enough now, Kaila. Time to go.” _

__ _ “Assholes!” I’m yelling now, beyond all control. I have nothing left, only a desire to make them hurt--.” _

__ _ “I SAID, that’s ENOUGH,” he says, and drags me from the room. When I look behind me, there is that damned Jedi again, staring into my soul. I can almost feel his eyes saying, “Just you wait. You’ll be sorry. Just you wait.” _

__ _ No, YOU’LL be sorry one day, I think at him. I hope he can see my vengeance in the glare I send his way as I leave the room. _

__ _ The man only shakes his head and turns away. _


	2. Chapter Two: Fear

“Have I heard of the Jedi?” I ask venomously. “I wanted to join them, but they rejected me.”

“Why should they do that? You seem like a bright young girl to me.” The woman’s voice is edged with concern. It flows like water over me, reassuring me. Maybe there’s hope for me after all. She seems to think I’m worth something. 

“They said I didn’t have the strength to be a Jedi knight.”

The woman’s clothing rustles quietly as she leans in toward me. “That, my dear, was a lie,” she tells me, a smile playing at the edges of her voice. “Your power is strong. Even now, I can feel the Force within you. Perhaps your power simply comes from a source that is foreign to them.”

“But why would they lie to me like that? What could they possibly want?”

The woman sighs. “Maybe they were afraid of you.”

I let out a short laugh.”Them? Afraid of ME?”

“It is not so odd, you know. People fear what they do not understand. They lock it away and let it rot, rather than be brave and offer the new ways a chance. So it has always been, and so it will always be. So it is even with the Jedi. You are strong, but they are afraid of where your strength comes from.”

_ Fear leads to anger... _

“Tell me then.” My confidence is coming back now. I hold my hands out, palms upward, as if to present myself for inspection. “How exactly am I strong? What hidden power do I possess that I have somehow overlooked all these years?”

“That, I can show you.” She turns her head slightly to one side. “Of course I could also ask you to tell me. You wouldn’t be here if you truly believed you had no power. I cannot teach you if you remain afraid of what you might find.” 

“I’m not!,” I blurt out. I draw a breath and steady myself. “I’m not afraid. I’m ready for this. I’ve been ready my whole life,” I say fiercely.

“That may be so,” she replies. “But when we begin something new, we tend to carry with us some… preconceptions. Beliefs we are stuck on, fears that have been lurking in the back of our minds without us even noticing. You see yourself as the underdog. You will have to let go of that to reach success. You have expectations of me as well, expectations which I may not fulfill. I have no desire to see you recoil from me. Will you let go of your expectations? Do you truly want to be my student?”

I pause, then bow my head. “I would be honored to learn the ways of the Force from you.”   
“Then first you must accept who I am. You have already met me, but are you prepared to see my face?”

A shiver runs through me. What is underneath that hood that she could want to hide so badly? It doesn’t matter. I am strong. I am ready.

“Show me.”

The woman hesitates, then raised her hands to her hood. “As you wish.”

I can’t help but stare. The woman’s face is bright red. Not the red of somebody embarrassed, but true red, like a freshly painted X-wing. Across her cheeks are strange marks. I couldn’t tell if they are scars or tattoos, but they certainly seem deliberate. Her coal black hair frames elegant cheekbones that look both out of place and right in such a strange face. Two tiny horns poke out from the top of her head.

She sees the look on my face. “This is why I warned you,” she said, her voice silky and smooth as always. It does not seem to match her strange face. “Even you fear me, because I am not like you. If you want to study with me, you must accept me for who I am.”

I gape some more. “What ARE you?”

“You would judge me by what I look like? What I am on the outside?” she shoots back. “What are you? I see your tanned face, your rough and calloused hands, your plain clothing. Are you only a farmer’s daughter? No. You are so much more. And I am so much more than what I look like. Will you succumb to fear? Or will you take me for who I am?”

Humbled, I nod. “I’m sorry. I just got startled by seeing something new. I accept you for who you are. I accept that you’re more than just your appearance.”   
“Good,” she says, pulling the hood back on. “Then let us begin.”

She turns her back and starts to walk into the other room. “Wait!” I say. “I came looking for Amaya. That is you, right?”

She turns around to look at me. “Some call me that, yes. Some know me by a different name. It does not matter. We each define ourselves. Your name is nothing but a label. It can be whatever you think suits you best. What is your name, young one?”

Kaila was on the tip of my tongue, but I didn’t say it. If I was to become something more than a farm girl, I needed a new name. This new girl, she wasn’t an underdog. She was fierce, powerful, and confident.

A name floated across my consciousness, and I grabbed it.

“I am Yasu,” I said.

Amaya looked at me, and I thought I saw a knowing gleam in her eye. She nodded. “In that case, Yasu,” she said, “let us begin your training.”


End file.
